Passion, please don't leave me.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
It's not the first time since the holidays started that I am feeling so unmotivated.
I wish I can be more interested in activities that can occupy my time, rather than gluing myself to Youtube watching Yu Le Bai Fen Bai or Wan Quan Yu Le, or any of the other randoms shows.
Today, I'm feeling soooo unmotivated that not even Xiao Zhu and Xiao Gui's antics can cheer me up. They are normally such funny hosts that never fail to make me laugh. But today, I have this weird feeling. Feelings of panic, perhaps, if I were to try to pinpoint it. Despite another 3 months till uni starts, and the anticipation to uni life bubbling inside of me, I am suddenly aware that the holiday mood has taken over me and built me for the worse, so to speak.
One night of toss and turn in bed made me realise that as I tried to recall a single question,
any question, of Maths that I learned in A2, which is a
mere 5 months ago, and my mind was totally BLANK. I am not exaggerating. That worried me a lot, so I went to my boxes of notes and dug out whatever I could. Trying to do C3 Maths last night, I can't believe I have forgotten how to differentiate
sec 2x. Thinking about re-learning all of those things just whirls my mind.
It is driving me crazy. I feel the deep panic of knowing nothing inside me, yet I am too unmotivated to relearn it all. But promising myself that this last 3 months, I have to cut down on my internet time, I have to move on and actually do something useful and resourceful for next year. When I started to list it off, there's actually a LOT of things I need to brush up on. A 100% C4 paper I took in June is reduced to a 0% paper as now I can't even solve
ln 2 + ln 3 = ln 6I am unbelievably ...
stupid. Agh.
Testing my own general knowledge leaves me with an empty feeling, because I know very little. I do try to catch up by reading the Medicine Encyclopedia (but I could only manage up to the second medical term before getting bored), I read the newspaper everyday now - but it's all the same things - murder, war, money, election...
I just wonder why I am so uninterested in all of those.
Why don't I have the desire to ponder over them, to find out more? Where's my passion?!
What do I think of the financial crisis in the world today?
Not sure.What do I think we should do to solve it?
I don't know.You've probably never come across someone like me, without my own opinion, without expressive thoughts that I can put forward.
This is what I'm annoyed at myself for.
Thinking about the upcoming interview, one year from now, that I'll have to do if I am able to pass the first year and apply for the second year course, I get tensed and doubtful of whether I can get through it successfully.
Hard work has to start now.
I can't delay and relax for the rest of my life.
Time. To. Face. Life.
Labels: change, deep thoughts, holiday, real life, study
7 comments:
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Chill, Sherp. Chill.. first and foremost, it is absolutely and perfectly normal that you forget those Math. I forget completely as well. Anyway, I really don't think you need those in uni, especially when you're doing Medicine. In fact, I have forgotten all my Chem and Math.. those very valuable knowledge and skills.. (embarassing, but can't help it.. the brain hasn't got so much space).
I understand when you mention about your "unmotivation". During my hols, at a point, all I did was online.. google for anything tennis and that's it. It was monotonous and made me feel such a slack.
I suggest that you do something more physical. Everytime I go for a jog, a tennis session or something, I feel better. Fell more useful, rather than just stay home and do nothing except tv.
As for your studies, really.. don't worry. Enjoy your hols to the fullest. Time will come when you cross the bridge.
Take care.
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one thing lynnx din tell u...watever u learnt before, probably isnt significantly important in Uni. I mean, lecturers won go into lectures and say "u have learnt the brain before right? Good. Test tumoro". no matter what, they will have to reteach again, even if its the same thing. besides, they have to think about students from all sorts of nations, different study syllabus, etc.
so yea, dun bother about not remembering what you have learnt. Tell u what you should do. Run havoc in Doha for a week or two, then slow down a bit...when they think everything's calming down, here i come!! :D
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Yea yea what lynnx and proyboy said is true, do you know i forget everything i study the moment i stepped out from the exam room?
sometimes, some ppl ask me to teach them stats or geol, i really cannot rmb even tho i learn b4.
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Cheer up girl! A piece of advice from me, you just got to enjoy yourself during this long period of hols! Coz' it's going to be a long journey ahead of you. So, take a good rest and watch whatever videos and dramas you can. You'll never regret it. I really miss my long hols!!! And gosh.. I have no idea what Maths you're talking about:(
Btw, Chem is really, really hard! Talking abt the Period Table.. Urgh! I need help, Sherp! Hehe..
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I totally understand how you feel and to think that i just finished my exam. I am already dreading the coming Monday 'cause I will be working after three weeks of holidays. But Sherp, dont worry. You will feel better and motivated once you start your Uni life. As for now, just enjoy your holidays.
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thank you everyone, i will keep in mind all the encouragements and i will keep enjoying myself ;p
bt i hav made a schedule to reorganise my time and decided to do some useful stuff while i can. will try to keep to it, hehe
thanks again!
LX
aww.. cheer up!