one drama i do not enjoy
Friday, February 29, 2008
i love dramas.
everyone knows that.
but drama in school is uncool.
why is everything so hard? C told me not to get involved and don't take any sides. just be neutral. im always neutral and now i'm trying to keep the peace at the same time. what if we are divided? what if this small issue turns into a big argument? i know e and m didnt want to get involved as well, but they had been dragged into it and now everyone seems to be taking sides.
besides this long drama, this week has been tough on me. everything seemed to happen at once and i can barely handle it anymore. there are many blows and sudden, unwanted surprises. there are many things to worry about, to consider, to think about, to cry about and to indulge myself in.
failing physics is amongst the top worrier. i had decided then to join the other class in my free periods to get extra help, and some remarks from people about my choice made me worry a whole night. yes, i am still worried about it now but thanks to emma and manj, i felt much better. apparently, my decision to do so will probably send a "signal" to my phys teacher as if he is not a good enough teacher. but that isn't why, and i didn't even think about that when i decided to get extra help.
oh. and im really ill this week. blocked and runny nose at the same time. sounds antagonistic but at the same time synergistic! multiple nights of vigorous coughing, as well as constant headaches. trying hard to concentrate when im thinking but it always feels like im distant from myself, and i can hardly understand what im thinking or ..yea whatever.
i get teary very easily now. i had a deep papercut. i got a surprising txt and wondered if my reply was okay. i discovered something happened one year ago. an anniversary is coming up. there are goodbyes to be said. im missing the closeness. things are changing.
i really want to get away from it all.i sometimes wonder who can i talk to. there is so many things going on at once.. many people can say that they are there for me, but i suppose its mainly my fault because i choose not to confide. how do you define a close friend? someone to go through every moment with you? or for you to be there with them when they need someone? i think i do have many close friends but it depends what closeness really is. im finding it harder and harder to release all my feelings because just by thinking about them, tears would well up, and then my nose will start running and my vision would blur and i wouldnt be able to see what im typing, so i have to go get a tissue. no, 2 tissues, one for the eyes and one for the nose. grrr.
time is running out. but i need more time.
i need time.
i can cry for every tiny thing.Labels: deep thoughts, drama, friends, real life, week
8 comments:
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wah...calm down girl....
dont cry.....makes me wanna cry too...to see that u have to endure so much!!
i believe everything will get better...trust in God!! dont need to worry abt tmr...
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Awww.. cheer up ! Do the things that make you happy.. like listening to music?
If crying makes you feel better, just cry..
TAKE CAREEEEEEEEEEEEE ~
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huh? who sent a txt to u?
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friends will always be there for you, why the "closeness"? if a "friend" does not care about you, is he/she considered a friend? if u want closer one, it is a special type of friend oredi :P
dun cry anymore, next time i buy u lollipop, ok?
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lynnwei & ning: thank you :)
i will try to calm and cheer up! thanks for your support!!
veep: from my fren le. :)
pyro: a friend who cares abt u doesnt necessarily mean a close friend. and a close fren doesnt mean u hav to be in a couple relationship. there ar some frens who im close to, in terms of hanging out, school, subjects, but we never share any parts of our personal life.. there are different levels of closeness that u can hav with different frens. special friends can also be just really really close frens that arent necessarily bf or gf.
and no thx, if im easily comforted with lollipop, i dont need tears.
:p
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Wah, till like that? But I c u so close to ur fren, u dun talk personal things with them? Hmm.. you have to learn to open up a bit, you will feel better after letting your feelings out.
And cry if you need to. Sometimes it makes you feel better till the next time you thought of it again.
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mm okii la.. i am close, but some stuff i don think i can say. i'l explain next time hehe
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So many things seem to be going on in your life at the moment. Don't give up and stay strong ok?
Crying is ok, let it all out, I know you are having a tough time at the moment but remeber never to give up! God bless.
:) SMILE :)
Sherp
wah...calm down girl....
dont cry.....makes me wanna cry too...to see that u have to endure so much!!
i believe everything will get better...trust in God!! dont need to worry abt tmr...