Am I still ... me?
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Year 1
She trailed behind her best friends, walking softly, timid of her surroundings.
"Come on, stand over here," her friends encouraged her and she obediently followed. She was shy and too afraid to look beside her, where a presence made her feel self-conscious.
She looked pleadingly at her friend, saying, "Come and stand beside me, I don't want to be alone." She grabbed her arms and smiled at the camera.
It seemed like hours, but only a few seconds went by and before she knew it - Chic-k-ling! - her friend had ducked out of the way in time and a twosome photo was taken.
She went red, ran to the other side of the room and hid under a table.
He walked away smiling...
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Year 2
She flipped to the pages of her diary where the photo was wedged between and stared at the photo... trying to carve that memory into her mind. She took a deep breath and looked away... A few minutes later, she sealed the photo and some letters together and posted it.
Let the past be forgotten...
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Year 3
Plonk!
"Ouch! What did you do that for?"
She rubbed her head where the book had slammed down on and laughed. "Okay okay, no more hitting," he replied, smiling and then walked away.
She continued to walk down the corridor, waving hellos and smiling at her peers that passed by.
"Hey!"
"Hi, how are you?"
"*smiles*"
She was about to enter the class when the door opened for her. She laughed carefree-ly and sat down on the chair pulled out for her. It seemed like a dream that people are paying attention to her. It felt.... weird in a way, but still quite nice. It wasn't popularity, but being popular wasn't what she had wanted in the first place and she was happy enough to have a lot of caring friends that joke around with her every now and then.
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"You know, you have to chillz, open up more.. what are you scared of?" she remembered what had been said to her. Sure, it had been hard for her to grow close to anyone, but she now wonders if she has overcome her weakness. "You are so anti-social. You need to get out more... How can you make more friends?" she recalled the words, knowing they were said for her own good, and were only said in a friendly argument. But she couldn't shake off the feelings of disappointment. "Who am I now?" she reflected... Is she still the same old girl she was 3 years ago?
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Well, receiving the love that she is currently feeling, how much more can she define 'happiness'? Isn't it having a loving family, friends that have her back no matter what and the significant other that is the most important part of her life?
And thus, for now... it is a happy ending for our main character.
I scanned my memories piled up in the lil brain of mine and think to myself - Who Am I ... really?
I used to be a very introverted person, well, I think I still am today, but at least I can open up more now.
I'm still the gullible and naive girl I used to be.
I'm still the timid and quiet girl I used to be.
I'm still the simple-minded and crybaby girl I used to be.
BUT
I'm no longer afraid of everything new.
I'm no longer dependent on others.
I'm no longer afraid to stand up for myself.
So is this the new me? Have I changed in the course of 4 years? Have I turned for the better or for the worse?
I'm just contemplating the question over and over again in my head... "Am I still me?"
2 comments:
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very deep indeed....you've changed a lot i think...:)
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very deep indeed....you've changed a lot i think...:)