Just like that...
Saturday, April 15, 2006
just like that... she is gone...
i never had the chance to see her again, and i never will....
i read my cousins' blogs and still they drove me to tears even when i feel my eyes can no longer produce tears.
my grandma passed away at around 10am this morning, london time 3am.. i was sleeping, feeling nothing... dreaming nothing... why...?
woke up at 7am when a text message reached me, asking us to call my mum. i felt a sinking feeling but kept an open mind and carry on praying in my head when dad called mum. when dad said, "...and you all were there with her?" i was scared.
really scared.
then, i made up a scene in which it was Mama waking up and said "hello~!" and everyone was there to see her get well. laughing, relaxing....Until i heard the word...
Funeral. Why?!i ran to my room, and sink in my own tears. Dad came in to confirm the news and from then on, all i remember were ... tears. prayers. more tears.
When Dad called Mum after lunch, what made me
really sad is what Mum said to me,
"We told Mama that you couldn't come back to see her. She will understand..."i miss her already. i miss her...
she always called me Cheyling... i love it.i just want to hear her voice, see her smile... i want to give her a hug i never gave. to know that next time when i go back to miri and not seeing her anymore... this is a thought that i cant bear.
i know, she's not suffering anymore. that she must be looking down at us now, wanting us not to be sad, wanting us to be comforted and know that she is in the Kingdom of God.
my family members who were there with her- my mum, sister, cousins, aunts, uncles... they must have felt all the pain, watching her go...
i feel the pain of not being there... and maybe my dad, Ivy and Lynnwei jiejie all feel the same. even if going back now, it would be too late. the funeral is tomorrow afternoon.
i dont want to say goodbye...
Mama, you will forever be in my heart, just like
KongKong (grandpa) and
3-Pek (third uncle)
Dear God, thank you for listening to all our prayers. She is now in eternal life and knowing that she doesn't suffer the pain anymore is a bit comforting. Everything is in Your hands, and even though we mourn now for our loss, like Lynnx jiejie said, we can be selfish because it is hard to let go of our loved ones. when we wish it hadn't happened, when we keep questoning 'why?' it isn't because we are defying You, but that we are trying to cope. I pray that she will now be at peace, have an everlasting life in Your Kingdom. I thank You Lord, for all You have done for us. Here I remember KongKong and 3-Pek as well. and continue to pray for them. Amen.
And yet, i still cry... she's gone... just like that
8 comments:
-
-
May their souls and the souls of all the Faithful Departed
through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.
-
I'm sorry for you and your family's lost. May she rest in peace and please send our condolence to your mum.
-
Sherp, can you please write an eulogy for Mama to be read out this Friday during the service to remember Mama? I drafted one and emailed to my dad fredwon[at]streamyx.com and can you do so too? And the rest of our cousins too? I wrote a bit only but I just keep crying I can't continue.
-
I wrote one with the help of my mum and ivy too... i sent it already, *hugs* lynnx jiejie, we can get through this together..
thanks, mel for your wishes...~ *hugs*
-
-
why??? I don't want her to left us!!But...
-
I still can't believe it